When dealing with your toddler’s tantrums, your goal shouldn’t be to stop your child from having tantrums. Tantrums are inevitable and a developmental part of a child’s growth. But you can work to curb your child’s tantrums so they don’t last as long, and you can get back to your grocery shopping, conversation, or road trip without your child derailing all of your plans.

The first step in curbing your child’s temper tantrums is to understand why she has tantrums in the first place. (Hint: It’s not about what she’s reacting to in the moment.) Generally, there are three reasons.

Reason #1: Control

As your child gets older, she starts to crave control. Perhaps you can relate? We all want control. It makes us feel safe and capable. A toddler wanting control can look like her wanting to tie her own shoes, feed herself, or not do what you tell her to do. When she sees she doesn’t have control, she loses it emotionally and physically.

Reason #2: Personality

Some children are just more prone to tantrums because they have strong personalities. They are bull-headed, energetic, or strong-willed by nature. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I love kids with…