Find out your parenting style with my parent personality quiz!

Find out your parenting style with my parent personality quiz!

COURSE LOGIN

When Dad Yells

Picture of Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker

How do I get through to my husband about his yelling? He tends to yell out of frustration as my son (his adopted son now) who just turned 9. He use to be good about talking to him instead of yelling or getting loud, but now it doesn’t seem like he even tries to talk. He just goes straight away to the yelling. Mid-school year, last year, my son was diagnosed with boarder line ADHD, so he looses focus a lot and need to tell him multiple time to do things…he just gets distracted easily. He takes medication during the school year, but not during the summer. How can I get through to my husband about this?

Dad’s Yelling

Dear Wife of Yeller-

You are in a tough, but not unusual (sorry to say) situation. I have some suggestions for you regarding your husband’s yelling.

First, successfully motivating another person never comes when you criticism them. I know that you feel like yelling at your husband to stop yelling because you are frustrated too. And- you see that it hurts your son. But, if you want a man to listen to you concerning his behavior, you must approach the topic sensitively. I recommend that you sit down with your husband during a time when you are both fairly relaxed (maybe go for a walk in the evening?) and say something like this. “I have been concerned about you lately. You seem stressed and frustrated and I want to know what I can do to help.” Then, listen to what he says. Ideally, he will hear that you aren’t getting ready to pounce on him; rather you are concerned that he isn’t happy and is therefore yelling. The truth is, happy people don’t yell- particularly at kids.

Then, after he has spoken to you, continue to say something such as: “I know that (your son’s name) frustrates you and this doesn’t help your stress level. You get into yelling matches and honestly, they don’t help you or him. Yelling makes you more tense and him more distant. What can we do to change this pattern?” Again, give him time to respond. Don’t interrupt him, let him talk.

Finally, let him know that he is important to your son and his behavior- what he says and how he says it- makes a huge impression on your son. Tell him that you want the best of him to rub off on your son- not the worst. Remind him of the good qualities that he has that you want your son to see. Praise motivates people to change.

You get the idea here. Your approach is to let your husband know that you are on his side , that he’s not happy yelling (who could be?) and that home life is stressful. If you continue to talk with him this way, I guarantee he will be more motivated to change his behavior than if you simply tell him that yelling is harming your son and he must stop it.

Remember, this will take time so be patient. It won’t happen in a week, probably over a few months. In the meantime, tell your son that your husband’s yelling is not his problem- it is coming from stress deep within your husband. You need to really protect your son here and help him not take the yelling personally.

Our Sponsors

Skylight-Meeker

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love! It’s private, pre-loadable, and you can personalize it! Visit SkylightFrame.com

Crunch-Labs-Meeker

Here’s the perfect gift to inspire and delight that young person in your life! The CrunchLabs build box subscription. Crunchlabs packs the fun into science by sending kids a new toy to build each month. And everyone’s favorite youtuber Mark Rober’s teaches them how! Kids LOVE IT! Go to Crunchlabs.com/DrMeg and get yours today!

That’s why you’ve got to check out AquaTru.

AquaTru purifiers use a 4-stage reverse osmosis purification process, and their countertop purifiers work with NO installation or plumbing.

Transform Your Tap Water

Air Doctor

Air Doctor, purification to protect your home! Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code DRMEG and you’ll receive UP TO $300 off air purifiers!

Cozy Earth
Our goal is to help you create a sanctuary within your home, a refuge from the demands of the outside world.

Head over to cozyearth.com and use promo code DRMEG for an exclusive 35% off.

Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for your future. Head to acorns.com/ or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today!

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Visit wholelifepet.com

Born Shoes

Step into comfort by visiting BornShoes.com and take advantage of our exclusive offer. Use promo code DRMEG to enjoy a 15% discount and receive free ground shipping on all full-price shoes.

Green-chef-Meeker
The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  greenchef.com to start now! 
Masimo-stork-baby-monitor

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals – now that same technology is available at home. Masimo Stork tracks real time, with your baby’s pulse rate, oxygen saturation, and skin temperature. While not a medical device, it can ensure more confident and calmer parenting. To learn more, go to masimostork.com.

Sponsors

Skylight-Meeker

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love! It’s private, pre-loadable, and you can personalize it! Visit SkylightFrame.com

Crunch-Labs-Meeker

Here’s the perfect gift to inspire and delight that young person in your life! The CrunchLabs build box subscription. Crunchlabs packs the fun into science by sending kids a new toy to build each month. And everyone’s favorite youtuber Mark Rober’s teaches them how! Kids LOVE IT! Go to Crunchlabs.com/DrMeg and get yours today!

Powerful purification to protect your home

Lock this special offer by going to A-I-R-D-O-C-T-O-R-P-R-O dot com and use promo code DRMEG.

Discover luxury she deserves!

Head over to cozyearth.com and use promo code DRMEG for an exclusive 35% off.

Save, invest and learn from one easy app.

Visit acorns.com

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Visit wholelifepet.com

Step into comfort by visiting BornShoes.com and take advantage of our exclusive offer. Use promo code DRMEG to enjoy a 15% discount and receive free ground shipping on all full-price shoes.

Green-chef-Meeker
The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  greenchef.com to start now! 
Masimo-stork-baby-monitor

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals – now that same technology is available at home. Masimo Stork tracks real time, with your baby’s pulse rate, oxygen saturation, and skin temperature. While not a medical device, it can ensure more confident and calmer parenting. To learn more, go to masimostork.com.

More Posts

Sponsors

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love!

Here’s the perfect gift to inspire and delight that young person in your life! The CrunchLabs build box subscription.

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals.

The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  

Thrive Market – the customized and economical way to shop organic, non-gmo, and healthy.

Website-Dr. Meeker (8)
Feeling a a bit uneasy about having "the talk" with your son or daughter?
Dr. Meeker is here to help! “How to Talk to Your Kids about Puberty & Sex (ages 8-18)” is her most comprehensive course ever and she’ll equip you to have that conversation with knowledge, confidence and sensitivity. Check it out!

More Tools to Simplify Fatherhood