Have you ever felt that the air has been let out of your life? Or wandered aimlessly for days feeling as though you are at an amusement park bouncing inside of a moonwalk, unable to stand upright? I am there right now.
After a horrific year in 2011, I’m needing a reprieve. Maybe you are too. The million dollar question for us is: how do we get our bearings? Where do we find that spark of inspiration which lets us know that, somewhere down deep in our souls, life exists? The air will return and we will fell invigorated, full of life again.
Inspiration comes to us from many different areas. Some find it through soul searching, some from religion, some from sheer mental fortitude. I find it when I look backwards. I turn to those who have profoundly influenced my life and given me inspiration in the past. Like my father.
He loved the work that I did. He told me to always keep going, and to believe that whatever I was doing was meaningful. Whether it was or wasn’t as far as others were concerned didn’t matter to me because I knew that my efforts mattered to him. Now that he is gone, the wonderful thing is, they still matter. He matters because he will always be my Dad. I can still feel his pride in me and I need that now.
As I sit and feel that the air has been let out of me, I can hear my Dad telling me not to give up. He would tell me to continue seeing patients, continue learning new ways to help and encourage parents because that matters. My father my fan, my inspiration. I can feel sorry for myself because I don’t have him now, or I can feel grateful that he inspired me. Even feeling so deflated, I can make that choice. I guess that’s what life is all about- making choices when feelings are numb. Continuing to do what we have learned is good and right and true when everything in our emotional repertoire says just call it a day.
So Dad, I will strain to hear the inflection in your voice when you used to tell me to keep working. I fear that the firmness and the lilt in your voice when you said my name will fade in my aging memory so I will listen to recall every syllable. And, I will choose to draw from your inspiration because you gave it so well.
To you my friends who can’t find your inspiration, I encourage you to look backward. Who changed the person that you are today? Who challenged you to be better, to work harder, to push yourself? Hear that person’s voice and if he/she isn’t here any longer, draw from it anyway. When you do, the air might just come back.
