This might be one of the hardest issues you face as a parent, but also one of the most important. How your children will grow up to think about others and themselves relies greatly upon how you talk to them about race and diversity, what they hear you say about others, and how they see you act toward them.
There is no doubt racism exists in our nation today, and racial tension seems to have escalated in the last ten years. I believe things will only get worse unless parents intervene at the home level.
I recently had the honor of speaking with my good friend, author and NFL player Benjamin Watson, about how to talk to your child about issues of race and diversity. Benjamin is the author of Under Our Skin: Getting Real About Race. Getting Free from the Fears and Frustrations that Divide Us. He has played in the NFL for the last 12 years and is currently a tight end for the Baltimore Ravens. He is also a husband and the father five of children.
He says, “When it comes to race in our country, I think that the living room is more important than the court room.” I could not agree more.
When it comes to race, the living room is more important than the court room. -@BenjaminSWatson
Be a gateway, not a wall.
Benjamin shared with me that one of the best things his parents did for him and his siblings growing up was talk openly about issues of race.
“When you’re black, you’re always aware of race, from a very young age,” he says. “It was important for us to get a background and understanding of where we are to this day, and how we got here, collectively as a country, but also as black Americans. So one of the things I picked up from [my parents] is the importance of being the gateway for what my children hear, but not being a wall.”
This is an important distinction, parents. Don’t shelter your children from hard truths. Teach them the important facts, teach them the truth about history and be a gateway for them to ask questions and understand better. We will never reconcile with one another if we don’t first understand where people come from and the beauty of our differences.
Kids aren’t born racist. Racism is a product of nurture, not nature.
Model how to love and accept others.
You, parent, have the power to raise a child who is empathetic, understanding and accepting of all people no matter their skin color, ethnicity or background. You also have the power to pass down judgement, prejudice and bitterness. The truth is, kids aren’t born racist. But over time, children often naturally adopt the characteristics and behavior they see portrayed as “normal” in their environment. Racism and bigotry are products of nurture, not nature.
Our kids often unfairly adopt our own prejudices much more than we realize of want to admit. Benjamin explained that while we all want to pass on certain ideals to our children, we often fall short of those ideals. “And so we have to constantly examine ourselves,” he says, “and be honest with ourselves about what our kids are learning from us.”
How often do you stop and consider what your children are learning from you?
If they hear you make derogatory remarks against a certain people group, they will internalize that. If they see you act a certain way toward one person and a different way toward another, they will notice that. Our children are always watching us for clues about how we feel about things in the world. It is the same with prejudice. Believe me, your kids pay attention to how you treat people who are different than you.
Your kids pay attention to how you treat people who are different than you. CLICK TO TWEET
As parents, we weren’t born with the attitudes and beliefs we possess today. And we get to choose whether to pass them on or not. Unhealthy attitudes about race may not have started with you, but they can stop with you. Teaching your kids to see and appreciate the beauty of our differences early on will set them up to experience life, relationships and the world in a much richer and deeper sense later in life.
When it comes to racial reconciliation, we have a long ways to go as a country. “It’s not a one time fix,” says Watson. “We don’t just wipe the slate clean and become oblivious to race. There are going to be times when attitudes still creep back in…but the difference is, you can identify them, be willing to turn away from them and call them exactly what they are.”
Parents, unhealthy attitudes about race may not have started with you, but they can stop with you.
And parents, it starts with you. Before it lands in the newsroom or the courtroom, it starts in the living room. Be intentional and be honest while being aware of your own prejudice, words and actions. You have the power to raise a child who is loving and accepting of all people. Around your own dinner table, you can start a legacy of peace and reconciliation that will have a ripple effect in your children’s generation and beyond.
Parents, this is such a vital topic. Perhaps at no other time in the history of the world has it been more important to cut through all the noise, search our own hearts and become keenly aware of how our own beliefs, attitudes and actions, for better or worse, influence those of our kids when it comes to issues of race and diversity. I encourage you to listen to my podcast interview with Benjamin Watson with an open heart. I hope it encourages you and equips you with some new tools to lead your family in this area.
Benjamin Watson’s event, Under Our Skin: A Forum on Race and Faith, takes place February 17 in Tampa, Florida. You can attend in person or stream the event individually or as a group. More information is available at underourskinforum.com.
