Find out your parenting style with my parent personality quiz!

Find out your parenting style with my parent personality quiz!

COURSE LOGIN

Shame: Is it Keeping You (And Your Kids) Overweight?

Picture of Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker

Every week I see young kids and parents who are seriously overweight and my heart sinks. No 11-year-old girl wants stretch marks over her belly and no 8-year-old boy should feel embarrassment and grief because he can’t keep up with his basketball team during sprints. But here’s the toughest part – most parents don’t want to address weight issues in their children because they (usually mothers in my experience) feel so much shame about themselves.

They feel shame on two accounts. First, parents feel guilty because their children are overweight and second, they feel ashamed because they honestly believe that they can’t control their own weight. So, they figure: how can I help my child if I can’t even control my own eating habits? And the parent and child stay stuck, trapped in bodies that feel like prisons. But I know this – any parent can break out of this cycle.

Most parents don’t address weight issues in their kids because they feel shame about themselves.

When parents feel deep-seated shame, we punish ourselves. That’s what shame does. It moves in like a beast with a thousand tentacles and strangles our minds, feelings and ultimately behaviors. Let’s look at how this works.

If a woman experiences sexual assault as a child, for instance, she subconsciously blames herself and then feels self -contempt. You know that feeling – the one that says “You idiot! How could you?” Or if a man feels abandoned as a child, he too will internalize those awful feelings and turn on himself. As we mature, this self-contempt talks to us saying, “You are a loser and you can’t win. In fact, you’ll never win – at anything.”

Then that woman or man becomes a parent and the voice of shame grows louder. It screams, “You are an out of control loser who will never be able to get your eating, anger, addiction (fill in your own blank) under control.” Your child grows and you begin to see yourself in the face of your young child. You stare at her/him and you are back at that time – when a particular hurt originally set in. Now you feel double shame – the part that began when you were a child – and now as the adult who feels you can’t break free.

Let me say this – you are NOT stuck. No parent is stuck and should ever be a prisoner to shame.

Yes, it is a real feeling but it is one which must never become embedded in you. You can rid yourself of shame and if you can’t seem to shake it off on your own, let me suggest you try God. If Christ was who He claimed to be, then accept His help to peel it off your back. That’s what He came to earth to do. To get you unstuck.

Many parents can’t lose weight because deep down, they don’t believe they deserve to be thinner, healthier or physically fit.

Shame has whispered, “Who are you trying to kid – everyone can control their eating but you. Being thin, healthy and fit is not in the cards for you so give it up.” So you eat the entire pack of Oreos and let your kids do the same. Shame has convinced you to give up on yourself and this, in turn, causes you give up on your kids.

Most parents’ weight issues have nothing to do with food or even overeating – they have everything to do with a deep belief that you can’t, and don’t deserve, to succeed.

Let me suggest some things that I have experienced really work for those of us who struggle with weight:

Tackle the beast of shame.

Stop thinking about the right diet or wrong foods. Ask yourself tough questions. Do you believe you can lose weight and that you deserve to? If your answers are no, then you are sabotaging yourself. The issue isn’t food – it is your beliefs about yourself.

Do battle in your head.

Dieting happens in your mind, not on food choices. If you bully your negative thoughts and refuse to believe that you can’t lose weight, then the deep knowledge that you can succeed sets in. You can give yourself permission to succeed.

Give yourself permission to succeed and be thin.

Shame is so powerful, it blocks the truth.

Quit believing that nothing works when it comes to losing weight. The low hanging fruit for you to pick off is the feeling that you must give up because nothing works. So you’ve tried for 50 years – try again.

Stop fearing food – it has no power.

You do. Many overweight women fear food because they see it as the thing that brings them down. This isn’t true – food doesn’t control you, shame does. So, put the blame where it should be. Food is a gift and is meant to fuel and help you. It is your friend and self-contempt is your enemy.

Here’s what I know.

You are capable of turning your body into whatever you want it to be. But first, you must wage war on that nasty 5 letter “S” word.

Our Sponsors

Skylight-Meeker

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love! It’s private, pre-loadable, and you can personalize it! Visit SkylightFrame.com

Think Like An Engineer! Welcome to your least boring summer ever! Join us in a 12-week virtual summer camp featuring weekly videos, livestreams and mega-experiments from Mark Rober and special guests.

That’s why you’ve got to check out AquaTru.

AquaTru purifiers use a 4-stage reverse osmosis purification process, and their countertop purifiers work with NO installation or plumbing.

Transform Your Tap Water

Air Doctor

Air Doctor, purification to protect your home! Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code DRMEG and you’ll receive UP TO $300 off air purifiers!

Cozy Earth
Our goal is to help you create a sanctuary within your home, a refuge from the demands of the outside world.

Head over to cozyearth.com and use promo code DRMEG for an exclusive 35% off.

Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for your future. Head to acorns.com/ or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today!

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Visit wholelifepet.com

Born Shoes

Step into comfort by visiting BornShoes.com and take advantage of our exclusive offer. Use promo code DRMEG to enjoy a 15% discount and receive free ground shipping on all full-price shoes.

Green-chef-Meeker
The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  greenchef.com to start now! 
Masimo-stork-baby-monitor

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals – now that same technology is available at home. Masimo Stork tracks real time, with your baby’s pulse rate, oxygen saturation, and skin temperature. While not a medical device, it can ensure more confident and calmer parenting. To learn more, go to masimostork.com.

Sponsors

Skylight-Meeker

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love! It’s private, pre-loadable, and you can personalize it! Visit SkylightFrame.com

Crunch-Labs-Meeker

Here’s the perfect gift to inspire and delight that young person in your life! The CrunchLabs build box subscription. Crunchlabs packs the fun into science by sending kids a new toy to build each month. And everyone’s favorite youtuber Mark Rober’s teaches them how! Kids LOVE IT! Go to Crunchlabs.com/DrMeg and get yours today!

Powerful purification to protect your home

Lock this special offer by going to A-I-R-D-O-C-T-O-R-P-R-O dot com and use promo code DRMEG.

Discover luxury she deserves!

Head over to cozyearth.com and use promo code DRMEG for an exclusive 35% off.

Save, invest and learn from one easy app.

Visit acorns.com

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Visit wholelifepet.com

Step into comfort by visiting BornShoes.com and take advantage of our exclusive offer. Use promo code DRMEG to enjoy a 15% discount and receive free ground shipping on all full-price shoes.

Green-chef-Meeker
The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  greenchef.com to start now! 
Masimo-stork-baby-monitor

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals – now that same technology is available at home. Masimo Stork tracks real time, with your baby’s pulse rate, oxygen saturation, and skin temperature. While not a medical device, it can ensure more confident and calmer parenting. To learn more, go to masimostork.com.

More Posts

Sponsors

Skylight Digital Picture Frames are the perfect bridge connecting you to the special moments of those you love!

Here’s the perfect gift to inspire and delight that young person in your life! The CrunchLabs build box subscription.

Your pet can’t choose healthy, but you can! Choose Whole Life Pet for human grade, freeze-dried, nutrient-rich, all natural food and treats for your dog or cat!

Masimo Stork is a revolutionary new baby monitor. SET technology has been in use for 25 years in the NICU units of America’s hospitals.

The #1 Meal Kit for Eating well. Go to greenchef.com/60drmeg and use code 60drmeg to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months.  

Thrive Market – the customized and economical way to shop organic, non-gmo, and healthy.

Website-Dr. Meeker (8)
Feeling a a bit uneasy about having "the talk" with your son or daughter?
Dr. Meeker is here to help! “How to Talk to Your Kids about Puberty & Sex (ages 8-18)” is her most comprehensive course ever and she’ll equip you to have that conversation with knowledge, confidence and sensitivity. Check it out!

More Tools to Simplify Fatherhood