My friend Pam Stenzel has recently come under heated attack, receiving vitriolic mail. Why? Because she speaks across the country to high-schoolers, trying to help them stay away from sex. And she does it very, very well.

Pam unabashedly uses the “A” word—that in-your-face-button-pushing one: abstinence. Honestly, I’ve never understood why that word bothers so many folks. We all abstain from things. I abstain from red wine because it triggers my migraines. I encourage my patients to abstain from smoking and using drugs, and good teachers abstain from being overly critical of kids in their classrooms. Each of us abstains from something every single day. So what’s the rub? Three things.

1. There is widespread misunderstanding about what teaching sexual abstinence to kids is about. Many parents believe that teaching abstinence means withholding critical information about birth control to kids. It doesn’t. It simply means that the entire of focus of the teaching is about how to postpone sex. But it is comprehensive in content.

2. Some believe that teaching sexual abstinence is used to teach moral values or religious leanings. The truth is, the abstinence movement was founded on moral and religious beliefs. However, since the explosion of sexually transmitted…