Dear Dr. Meg,

I have 3 boys under 8 years old. My children have been part of domestic violence their entire short lives.

We just had another incident with police involved attending the home after a drunken physical attack. On the phone to the kids he is sugary sweet, a very permissive parent and always putting my rules and boundaries down. Do you think he will ever change?

I believe he may have a hidden agenda to take the boys to live with him when they are able to fend for themselves so in the meantime he manipulates them with money, toys, candy and no rules parenting.

What am I truly dealing with here? How to equip and protect myself and the children from this tactical emotional game??

Regards,

Distraught

Dear Distraught,

Your husband needs serious help. Can he change? Yes he can, IF he is motivated and wants to change badly enough. Moving from a life of abuse, violence and alcohol takes monumental effort and it doesn’t sound like your husband is anywhere near ready to change.

Here’s the deal. You can’t change him. He must have an inner fire ignite that wants to do this and it must come…