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More on Habit #9: Clarify Your Fear

Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker

We talked a little bit a couple weeks ago about how destructive worrying can be for us Moms.  (You can reference Chapter 9 in The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers to read what I have to say about the two most common fears: Loss of Control and Fear of Rejection).

The power of our fears can be enormous. An initially small fear can morph into a larger, broader one over time. When fear slides its ugly tentacles into our relationships, nothing good results from it.

So we moms need to square off with our fears and learn to take charge over them so that they lose their power over us. The great news is that we can. We most certainly can. And once we’re honest and expose our fears, we free ourselves.

Here’s how to clarify what you fear:

We can’t fight what we don’t see. Enemies must be identified and set apart.

One of the easiest ways to accomplish this and flesh fear out is to ask a series of “why” questions. We need to be bold enough with ourselves to press ourselves regarding why we do what we do. This is extraordinarily eye opening. For instance, every mother who works must ask herself why she works as many hours as she does. Is it really for the income? Is it because she doesn’t want to face life without the success and identify that comes with working so hard? I have often pressed myself on this last issue. In other words, I need to know that I work because I truly love my work, not just for the money or because I am afraid of losing my physician identity. I need to know that I am still valuable as a woman and mother without those two letters after my name.

That is just the beginning. Any of our fears can be uncovered if we press ourselves regarding our motives for our behaviors–particularly the behaviors that cause us grief. It takes work and you may need the help of a skilled professional, but the work is worth it.

Have you clarified your fears?

What is holding you back from doing so?

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