While speaking at a large conference in Michigan, my friend Jill, the session’s lecturer, was discussing how women frequently perceive themselves. While she wasn’t specifically addressing mothers, her point was applicable to us.

At one point in her lecture, she asked for two volunteers. Jill selected Ellen and Laura from the sea of hands. Ellen and Laura said they came to the conference together and were longtime friends. Jill brought them to stage and seated them in chairs facing each other. Then she began to ask simple questions. To Ellen she asked, “Would you describe your friend Laura to the audience, please?”

Ellen was happy to comply and described Laura as kind, a good listener, easy to talk to, fun to be with and a good mother. Jill continued: “Would you describe Laura as pretty?”  “Absolutely,” Ellen replied. “She’s lovely, at least to me, though granted I am a bit biased.” “Do you feel you’d like her more if she lost weight, got a nicer home, or went back to school?” Jill continued.  Ellen looked at Jill directly and said “Of course not. She’s fabulous just the way she is.”

Pressing her point, Jill asked, “So is it fair to say…