Find me one American mother who doesn’t want to tweak something about her body, and I’ll pay you $100.

We want to lose the baby fat, trim the saddle bags, or rid our arms of their jiggle.  Gone are the days when we could simply have babies and stroll them around the neighborhood for our daily exercise. No, no. We need gym memberships, yoga studios, and a fancy pair of running shoes, or at least enough money for a little nip and tuck from a good plastic surgeon.

We need to be in shape, toned, and looking younger than our natural age because, well, we’re American. And if we’re not actively engaged in improving our body shape, we should at least be feeling guilty because we aren’t.

I have some great news for you, Mom. As far as you kids are concerned, they couldn’t care less about your body shape. What seventh grade boy wants his mom to be hot? When he’s in kindergarten, he barely notices your hair color and by high school he’s trying to deny the fact that you are even a woman.  As far as he’s concerned, you can wear a tent every day.

And your daughter?…