Dear Dr. Meg,

We have a strong willed son who is 11,  and the third of four.  We have a lot of challenges in our household, an older brother with Aspergers- I could ask questions all day… Our 11 year old son struggles with controlling his temper and his mouth. He yells at us, screams, stomp his feet, refuses to do what we ask without force.  Half the time he is charming and silly, if a little pestery, half the time he is quite a monster.  This is not the question, the problem is that we have been working on this endlessly, we have been disciplining,  talking, explaining- he’s gotten spankings, been grounded, done push ups, and still it continues.  We don’t see any improvement, his control is not any better.  This is embarrassing, exhausting, and confusing.

What do you do when the regular discipline doesn’t work?

Dr. Meg’s Response:

Your 11 year old doesn’t sound like a very fun person to be around so let’s help him become a nicer person. I suspect that you are making one or two very simple mistakes. Parents do this when they are exhausted- particularly when you have the stress of living with a…