Today’s story is an edited excerpt from Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.

Kelly is on my A-list of incredibly cute patients. She is ten. Freckles plaster her face. And she has bright, fuzzy red hair. But Kelly’s cutest quality is that she bounces. Everything above her bounces: her inflections, her demeanor, her movements. Her father and mother, Mike and Leslie, are excellent parents: calm, engaging, enthusiastic and good disciplinarians. When their (now college-age) son was little, they decided the wanted to add a daughter to the family by adopting a girl. They chose Kelly.

However, Kelly is often a tough kid to parent. She is strong-willed and challenges everything Mike and Leslie say. When they correct her, she insists that they don’t understand–and sometimes they think she’s right.

Kelly is one of those kids who began showing signs of hyperactivity while still in diapers. She wasn’t as much defiant and energetic and testy. At school, her energy was channeled into her tongue and her heart. She talked to friends constantly, often disrupted class and was a problem for her teachers. On car rides she talked nonstop. When she was happy, her parents were happy. But as Kelly grew older, she grew testier–so…