Dear Dr. Meg,

My son-in-law died last night in a car crash. The children are 6 (a son) and 8 (a daughter). How can we best help them???

Signed,

Pam

Dear Pam-

Words cannot express how sorry I am for you with the loss of your son-in-law. I have experienced sudden tragedy and have had parents in my practice who have been in your same situation. There is no easy route through this but I can share with you some of the ways other parents and grandparents have helped children cope with tragedy.

Breaking shocking news to children is terribly difficult and must be done gently. The best thing for the children is to have an adult who is very close to them bring the news. It may be a mother, grandmother or other family member. If that person is you, sit very close to the children and tell them that you has something very sad to say. Then very simply explain what happened. Do not go into detail that would make the pain greater (ie., the details of the car accident that are frightening.)

Some children will cry, others may run out of the room and still others may appear…