The back-to-school photos on Instagram are back. Kids are going off to school or preparing to do so, leaving stressed—or relieved—parents behind. Maybe you are stressed because this is the first time your child is going to kindergarten and you don’t know what to expect. Maybe you are relieved because all three of your elementary-age children have been home all summer complaining that they are “bored.”

No matter where you are on the spectrum this fall, here are a few tips for making this back-to-school season as smooth as possible, for the entire family.

Don’t parent out of fear.

I say this again and again: Do not parent out of fear. Parent proactively. So many decisions we make for our kids stem from fear rather than from strength.

We manipulate schedules to get our daughter the “right” first-grade teacher, scared that if she gets the “wrong” one, her year will be miserable. Or we make our 16-year-old hit the gym every morning in summer so that he’ll have a leg up when he tries out for varsity soccer. We can’t see him get cut from the team again.

Here’s the reality: Having the perfect first-grade teacher or making the varsity soccer…