Dr. Meg,
I am currently on chapter 7 of your book “Strong Mothers, Strong Sons.” I am 7 and a half months pregnant with my first child and trying to wrap my head around this whole parenting thing. My problem is, my husband is the emotional, nurturing communicator of the family and I tend to have problems feeling emotions and expressing how I think/feel. The type of mother you talk about in your book that we are naturally inclined to be, I am NOT. And this scares me. I think I cried every time I opened your book for the first 5 chapters. I work 13 hour days and am very logical and stable. Do you have some advice for a mother like me? I need all the help I can get.
Thank you!
Worried Mom to Be
Dear WMTB –
First of all, the mothers that I write about in my books are not the ones who write to me! The fact that you wrote tells me that you are working hard to be the best Mom you can be. Guess what? You can be a great Mom despite the flaws that you see in your personality. I have know many mothers who are more aloof and matter-of-fact than their husbands and their children turn out fine because women like you marry men like your husband who are warm and compassionate.
So kids get a nice balance.
I know many women who are the breadwinners and the fathers stay home with the children. Fathers can be more compassionate with their children and this works! I am concerned about the fact that you beat yourself up the way you do- and your beautiful baby hasn’t even been born. So really, your story as a mother hasn’t been told. Hold on, it’s going to be a whole lot different than you think. I promise. Your child is going to bring out feelings (some good and some painful) in you whether you like it or not. One final thought- many women at quiet, less emotional than others and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It does not mean that you will be a bad mother. But here’s my concern for you: is there a reason that you are so closed off?
I don’t know you but I just have to ask because if you submerge your feelings and wall yourself off from others, this is not good for you and you deserve better.
Do me a favor- please write to me in 6 months and let me know how you are. You can be a great Mom, just the way you are.
Dr. Meg
