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Ask Dr. Meg: Our Son Caught Us Having Sex. HELP!

Dr. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker

Meg,

I have a wonderful, innocent 14-year-old boy who accidentally walked in on my husband and I having sex. This really shook him up (as it did us). I tried my best to speak openly with him about how sex was a beautiful act in the eyes of God between two married people who love each other. Have we scarred him? How do we move forward?

Thank you for any insight you may have to help us.

Best,

Embarrassed Mom

Dear Embarrassed Mom,

Welcome to the stickiness of parenting! This has happened to countless couples and their kids still go on to lead healthy lives! And no – you have not scarred your son, he has just been embarrassed (as you have.)

Here’s what I recommend you do:

First, understand that no son or daughter ever wants to see Mom or Dad having sex because in their minds, every married person in the world is sexually active – except you. So, it is normal for teens to get the creeps thinking about their parents having sex. That said, they know their parents have sex. You did the right thing in telling your son that it is wonderful and healthy for parents but that no teen wants to walk in on his parents or think about his parent’s sex lives. Addressing the beauty and embarrassment at the same time is great.

Second, it is best to openly address it with your son as you did – but after that, I’d let it pass. He doesn’t think that sex is creepy; he just doesn’t want to think about you and his father having it. The more you bring the incident up, the more it will bother him.

Third, after you wait several months, it is important to have conversations about sex in general – what you want for him, expect from him, etc. Discussing his sexual activity or lack of it (hopefully), is very, very important. Use this incident as an opportunity to springboard into some very important conversations now and in the future. If his father is more comfortable talking to him, that’s great, but if he isn’t, then you do it.

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Feeling a a bit uneasy about having "the talk" with your son or daughter?
Dr. Meeker is here to help! “How to Talk to Your Kids about Puberty & Sex (ages 8-18)” is her most comprehensive course ever and she’ll equip you to have that conversation with knowledge, confidence and sensitivity. Check it out!

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