Dear Worried Father,

You are not alone. Many parents of driven, bright daughters struggle to help them dial down perfectionism and this is painful to watch. I don’t know of any good therapists on Long Island but I do have high regard for a therapist in NYC named Erica Komisar. She may be able to give you some leads.

I do have a few suggestions for you:

First, learn as much as you can about perfectionism and how you can help your daughter. Many times parents try to talk their daughters out of it by saying “you’re wrong to think that way” etc., and this just frustrates the daughters more.

Second, your daughter may be biologically wired this way and may need medication for a while to help her. Often, perfectionism is tied to obsessive-compulsive traits along with anxiety or depression. When you have two issues intertwined like this, the best results can come from medication and therapy. These decisions, however, are best made between your daughter and her team, not me.

Third, I recommend that she read a couple of books: Brene Brown’s: The Gift of Imperfection or I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) as well as