I received an email from an anxious mother about her eighteen-month-old who eats at daycare but not at home. What to do?, she wondered. Her son ate whatever the daycare provider put in front of him, but when she gave him dinner with the family at night, he wouldn’t eat. Ouch.

We mothers hold deep feelings about our kids’ eating. If they eat well, we feel like successful mothers. If they don’t, deep down we feel like we are failing. After all, our instincts tell us, If we can’t make sure that our kids have their nutritional needs met, what can we do? Food is very emotional stuff for us mothers. Think of breast milk. It is, after all, “liquid gold,” we are taught, and if we can’t breast feed well (or heaven forbid, we don’t like it), then we are—well—bad moms.

The truth is, food is emotional for us, but it isn’t for our kids. To a typical eighteen-month-old, putting food in his mouth is just another thing to do during the day. It goes in because someone says it has to, but he’s got better things to do. Sure, he may like the taste of fudge…