Dear Dr. Meg,

Our granddaughter is 8 years old and when both sets of grandparents

are together she openly hugs and prefers them to us.

How do we approach her to let her know how much this hurts us?

Dear Grandparent,

Motivating a child (especially one as young as 8 years old) by using guilt never works so don’t do this. Telling your granddaughter that your feelings get hurt when she shows favoritism to her other grandparents is not appropriate. The better question to ask yourself is: why does she prefer them to you? Are they more affectionate? Do they buy her more things? Sometimes parents play into children’s attitudes and talk more positively about one set of grandparents than the other and bias their children. Could her parents be doing this?

Here’s what I suggest that you do. Without getting into a competition with her other grandparents, work at winning her affections. Ask if you can take her alone for the day or night and spend more time with her. Do fun things with her like take her to the park, or go on a bike ride. Don’t fall into the trap of buying her things to win her favor….